My food issues are overwhelming sometimes,and all the guilt and shame and badness surrounding them.  I just want to be able to eat a sensible amount and know it’s actually a sensible amount.

I think I usually eat a reasonable amount, i had a bad patch of binge eating recently, while I was sick and unmedicated.  Eating food that isn’t clearly labeled is SO hard.

I’ve been in recovery from anorexia for like 7 years.  I don’t think I’ll ever not freak out a little bit about food.

thepeacockangel:

feministnightclub:

sometimes people ask me, “is rape worse than murder?” and my response is always: yes.

people tend to think that a rapist doesn’t take your life away, but they do. they took away my ability to trust, reason or think clearly without…

I am not dismissing your experiences, that is an experience that occurs, yours is valid too, but what I was saying is that you put your experience as very universal.  Mine beat me too, threatened me, kept me half a prisoner for 2 1/2 years, emotionally abused me until I was no longer sure who I was.  It was just it was stated in a way that seemed universal.  I was pretty sure I was going to die there, I was so scared I was going to die there, and it just felt a bit unpleasant to hear something that sounded along the lines of “it would have been better if you had”

There’s the dude who abused me, who smacked me around.  Doesn’t look the type, does he?  He used to bite me until I was sobbing, crying from pain, begging him to stop… he’s a coke dealing bastard.  I hope he died in the hurricane.

By not actually having a functioning digestive system.  Fuck you internal organs.

1. Play fair when the rules are fair, when the rules aren’t fair, fix the rules and then play by them.
2. Practice good consent (Fuck the concept of a lady’s “virtue” being safe, just make sure she’s physically and emotionally safe in your company.
3. Open doors for people because it’s the polite thing to do.
4. If you see someone smaller than you struggling with heavy bags regardless of their gender, help them with the bags.
5. If you see someone who’s carrying heavy stuff, or wearing obviously uncomfortable shoes on the subway, offer them a seat.  It’s not a gender thing, it’s a not being a rude dick thing.
6. Don’t take advantage of people’s trust.
7. Be faithful to the terms of your relationships and honest about what you want when forming a romantic relationship E.G. practice monogamy in a monogamous relationship, practice polyamory in a polyamorous relationship.
8. Be honest about your intent when you befriend a woman.  If you want to be more than friends don’t lie.  Lying is not gentlemanly.
9. Don’t claim you want a long term romantic relationship if what you want is a fling, or a one night stand, again lying is not gentlemanly.
10. Never slut shame.
11. Always remember that you don’t have a right to a woman’s time, attention or body, no matter what.
12. Respect women’s autonomy and intelligence.
13. Don’t give advice unless it is asked for.
14. Be kind to those who have less than you.
15. Mansplaining is very gauche and rude, jumping into the middle of discussions of women’s issues and making it all about you is rude.
16. If you have kids, take care of your kids as best you can, do not be an absentee parent.
17. Do not pressure a reluctant partner into having kids with you.
18. Do your fair share of the housework (if you do something to compensate for not doing housework, like doing all the child care or whatevs that words too)

And here’s the thing, I’m not sex pos the way the sex negs I know and like mean sex pos, and I’m not sex neg the way I think of sex neg.  

I think basically, the problem is both of these movements were corrupted by the patriarchy and we don’t have another way to talk about this shit yet (I’m suggesting Sex Pragmatic)

I AM PISSED OFF that men believe they have a right to my body (or women’s bodies, or bodies they perceive as womanish, feminine, or simply not manly enough for their preferences).  I am pissed off that when I was seventeen, the middle aged dude who played Eddie in the shadow cast for RHPS (which I’d just seen for the 4th time with a cast) cornered me, and badgered me until I showed him my tits.

I AM ALSO PISSED OFF that my abusive ex-boyfriend thought it was “degrading” for him to come on my face, but had no trouble biting me (non-sexually and non-consensually to the point where I was crying) and I am even more pissed off that I felt obligated to take it because “Oh I’m kinky, my second waver parents taught me that kinkiness is a mental problem stemming from issues with sex that make you crave abusive relationships… so I guess this is what I fucking want, there isn’t anything else out there for a fucked up masochist like me.”  I am pissed that he felt “Too guilty” to deliver the longed for, consented to sexual pain, but slapping me across the face when I wasn’t home when he wanted me to be was fine, threatening to shove my hand into broken glass for breaking one was fine, trying to force one of my eyes from the socket was JUST FUCKING FINE, as long as when he fucking raped me the sex was vanilla.

I AM PISSED that dudes who know I am submissive, who know that I have issues with sex neg feminism expect me to be on their side when they’re perpetuating rape culture.

I AM PISSED OFF that sex neg feminists love to focus on “Violent sexuality” (meaning BDSM, fetishism, what have you) and hand wave or barely mention the fucked up coercive shit that happens during vanilla sex.

I AM PISSED OFF that sex pos feminists hand wave the rape that happens in BDSM (which I in part attribute to a culture of “women have to expect a little rape with their sex if they’re going to have sex, or be sexual, or be in public… or not locked in her house with an ak-47 wearing full plate armor, a chastity belt, and a burqa (in case sexy armor lady arouses somebody with her full plate armor)

I AM PISSED OFF about Fifty Shades of Grey.  I am pissed off about its romanticization of rape.  I am pissed off about its portrayal of an interest in the harder elements of BDSM as “Fixable”

I AM PISSED OFF that there are still people who believe that power dynamics, and “violence” in play are wrong, or a sign of an oppressive society.  Chess, cops and robbers, tic-fucking-tac-toe, Dungeons and Dragons, these are all games of D/s to an extent.  Play at competition isn’t a bad thing.  A consensual play power dynamic is a problem when a group is relegated to one role in that game. It also becomes a problem when people feel obligated to play.  Struggle is narrative, and I like narrative during sex.

I AM ALSO PISSED off that “Oooh straight cis men who are into being the dominant are all creepy” is a fucking thing.  YES there are a shit load of creepy ones, but I see people who are all about not shaming women for their sexualities saying this shit.  Ok then, how do you think submissive women who are attracted to cis men all or part of the time feel after you fucking say that shit?  It’s like “Well, you’re allowed to fantasize about a magical non-misogynistic male dom, but they don’t exist, so any time you have sex with a straight cis dude the way you like, you’re actually reenforcing rape culture… but don’t worry about that, I’m not shaming you.”

I AM PISSED that the friend I ran to after my abusive ex boyfriend beat the shit out of me one night sexually assaulted me, sending me running back to my ex.

I AM PISSED ABOUT THE INSIDIOUS BASTARD REASONS that fewer women seek out sex workers.  I strongly suspect it has a lot to do with the fucked up shit that women are told about their bodies, how because women are all so freaking hideous (or supposed to be gorgeous or whatever) that in order to fuck, in order to enjoy a sexual activity they have to feel their partner is physically attracted to them.

I AM PISSED about sex positivity having been co-opted by the least oppressed, and I am pissed about sex positive feminism CONTINUING to treat sex workers like shit… even when we’re half the reason the movement exists in the first place.

I AM PISSED about laws that punish sex workers and not traffickers, pimps and abusers, all in the name of protecting the vulnerable.

I AM PISSED about having sex neg feminists AND the patriarchy telling me I am too stupid/deluded to make my own decisions about my goddamn body.

I AM PISSED OFF that because I like pain it has to have something to do with how I was socialized.

I AM PISSED OFF that a trans lady porn star I know and care about has a radscum sister who misgenders her, despises her for her career choice and continues to mooch off of her, and my friend lets her because she’s too sweet.

I AM PISSED OFF about middle class cis white ladies blaming sex workers for the patriarchy.

I AM PISSED OFF about the sympathy for sex workers radscum have.   It’s the impulse that calls for a ban on abortion, but doesn’t do a thing to reduce unplanned pregnancies, doesn’t do a thing to help the children that come after.  They don’t want to see women forced by economic factors to do a job they consider degrading.  They see a poor woman, a woman who chose to do sex work rather than starve, or lose her house, or have no time to see her family, and their impulse is not to examine the economic factors that placed her there, not to try and reduce the numer of women who live in extreme poverty, no, of course not.  They want to ban the objectionable line of work.  They have no issue with women working eighteen hour days scrubbing toilets, working with noxious cleaning chemicals unprotected, because her precious virtue is safe, she is not stoking the fire of male lust (though she’s an easy target for harassers, rapists, her boss)

I AM PISSED about the exclusion of trans women and POC and fat people and disabled people from sex positivity AND sex negativity.

I AM PISSED about the fact that sex pos or sex neg, I still motherfucking see rape apologism.

I AM PISSED that any movement with the goal of allowing women and other groups oppressed by the kyriarchy agency over their own sexuality gets co-opted by the people we were tying to fucking escape.

I AM PISSED about the smug “your sexual interests didn’t develop in a vacuum” line that radscum love using when I discuss my impulses, my inclinations.  I grew up with second wave feminist parents,in an area filled with second wave sex neg feminists. (primarily homeschooled without a TV no less)  I was raised to believe that sex was degrading to women because doing it in any of the ways that sounded fun to me upheld the patriarchy.  I was raised in a place where femininity was seen as weakness, where I was FAR too girly, where I was the oppressor, I was the problem.  So yeah, my interests didn’t develop in a fucking vacuum, they developed in a fucking second wave paradise.  You know who else’s interests didn’t develop in a vacuum?  D, my dom, who shares the same weird fucked up (awesome) kinks I do, and you know who raised him?  Radscum.  He and I share a very high sex drive, and poor thing felt guilty about it for years.  Pathologizing sex is… fucked.

I AM PISSED that it’s ok to treat my body like public property.

I AM PISSED about submissive men who whine when I will not fulfill their particular fantasy.  I offer them a referral, it doesn’t matter, it’s about their right to my body, to have their fucking fantasy fulfilled with my flesh.

I AM ALSO PISSED about the sexworker-good/victim, and John-creepy/evil/oppressor shit.  It happens, sure it fucking happens, but to champion what I do and denigrate my many wonderful clients in the same breath.  Fuck that shit.

I AM ALSO REALLY PISSED that we can’t talk about bad shit that happens in kink, that happens in the sex industry, for fear of setting off the sexneg radscum, using our desire for better treatment as proof of their point. “SEE I TOLD YOU IT WAS ALL EVIL”  For fear of turning the sex pos trendies against us… or getting them to ally with the radscum.

I AM PISSED OFF that other people get to decide what acts are “violence” against me.  If you’re not a masochist who’s experienced abuse, you do NOT know the difference.  It’s vast and profound, it’s he same difference drawn between that lies between sex and rape. One is traumatic, the other is not.

I am not sex pos or sex neg the way you fucking think about it.  I am against violation of consent.  I am for consent.  I am for women being helped not to be put in economic situations that force them into jobs they find hellish.  I am for sex work not being seen as so degrading.  I am for women not having to feel bad for what they do with consenting adults.  I am for treating each other like people, like full on people, because at least then someone will.

I am for a culture where narratives are seen as more a barometer, and I am for survival, and fixing the shit that makes it harder to do so.

I am for whatever we need to do to get through the day.  I call it “sex pragmatism”

Carlos Andrés Gómez - Distinctly Beautiful

or as I prefer to call it “slut shaming mansplainer, revolutionary poet”

At first I was digging his work and then I was like “Oh… I see how it is, when women are sexual they’ve clearly been duped by the man… and what the shit is with that bit about wanting to carve up your girlfriends… Carlos, I think we need to have a talk.”

Also REALLY not loving him using WOC’s pain to advance his excessively smug career.  Sit down, and let your fucking ex-girlfriends talk, fucko, because seriously, this is not your place to comment, especially when you ADMIT to being a shit to women on the subway.

As someone into BDSM, and someone who is a sex worker I see a lot of people outside of BDSM talking about the inherent oppressiveness of BDSM, and people who aren’t sex workers and never have been talking about the inherent oppressiveness of sex work, and here’s why even if you believe that, you shouldn’t condemn the whole of it:  There are women like me.

There are women like me, people who willingly participate in sex work, who willingly, consensually happily participate in BDSM, and when you condemn everything we do, everything we willingly do, you make it really hard for actual members of the community to speak out against actual abuses which occur within the community.

You make it hard because you use our accounts as evidence without our consent, you use our pain as a rallying cry for something we do not support.  We know that unless we’re willing to renounce our trade, or our sexual peccadilloes we cannot come to you for help.  We cannot count on you for aid, and if you are going to argue that we are all oppressed, than isolating us and alienating us from people who might be willing to lend us a hand can be nothing but a bad thing.

Even if you believe that sex workers are by nature of being sex workers inevitably going to be oppressed/abused, then isn’t it your responsibility to welcome us abused with open arms, to offer us help even if we don’t make the choices you want us to make?  If you are truly compassionate, truly want nothing but what’s best for us, offer us safe unconditional harbour or we will not be willing or able to take it.

Your condemnation of our willingness makes us vulnerable to abuse, to oppression.  Your condemnation paints a target on my back, and on the backs of women like me, women who you call vulnerable,

Every battered submissive, every raped prostitute, every dead stripper who you saw as nameless and less than human, is in part your victim.  If you would treat us as people, as equals, that would be one more person willing to do so, instead you join in with the chants of the side that believes us subhuman.

Yes there is abuse in BDSM (doms abusing subs, subs abusing doms, and every other conceivable dynamic) but not more than in the outside world where the same abuse runs rampant in colleges, in workplaces, on the street, and you silence us with the condemnation of the community, you make it harder to speak out about people doing bad things because we’re afraid of you blaming us, we’re afraid because every one of us is used as an illustration for your belief that that is our community all the time, in every interaction.  I don’t speak for all uterus-havers, or all genderfluid people, or all sex workers, or all queer people, or all people involved in BDSM, and my bad experiences do not mean all experiences or people are bad.

Yes, there are sex workers who are victims of trafficking, or who were forced physically, economically or otherwise into their field.  But, I do not believe in putting the willing or the forced in further danger, by telling them that if they speak up about a bad experience, if they expose abuse that they’re betraying the rest of us, or exposing others working in the industry to possible legal or social repercussions.

When you call our work inherently degrading you’re making it harder to react when someone actually violates our consent, because in your eyes there’s no difference between when we say yes and when we say no.  You make us vulnerable because you call our consent meaningless, and make our judgements and feelings subject to unreasonable scrutiny.  By taking our own experiences and perceptions from us, you dehumanise us, weaken us.  You make us easier targets for predators, abusers, rapists.  So don’t you dare use one part of my past as a rallying cry, because you helped put me there in the first place.

Is it really somehow in our best interest to exclude us from the community that you insist is here to help us?  If you have an ounce of sympathy, an ounce of compassion in you, the answer is clearly no.

Getting to feel all manly fucking a girl with my sparkly cock in my sparkly red strap on harness while wearing a pretty dress, while said girl has a hand around my throat.  My wrist is sore, I’m sweaty and tired and I feel so fucking content with my gender right now.

I am such a fucking bad ass nancy boy, and it makes me so happy.

Look at this clusterfuck of misogyny, it does kind of give a good insight into the way the patriarchy thinks though.  As usual, it’s the “If we weren’t so ruled by our damn penises” defense.  Maybe if you legitimately all have THAT little self control you should be treated as potentially dangerous animals, but thankfully this isn’t actually true, men have the potential to be better than that, and the ones who use this shit as an excuse just don’t want to give up their cushy spot in the world’s power structure.