From what my brother tells me, everyone’s always throwing each other under the bus (and all other queers, esp people of colour, esp. the poor, esp. trans folks) and there’s this whole “LET’S PICK ON THE FAGGOT” ethos that people learned from being bullied in school, so even though you go to the gym three times a day and spray tan and do honey masks, you feel entitled to pick on the guy in a baby tee or the guy who’s just a little too camp.
And no one can ever be vulnerable ever, and the verbal barb slinging that started out as a defense mechanism against the outside world pervades and so no one ever gets to just be emotionally vulnerable, and there are all these dudes being like “Yeah, we’re just two straight dudes, hanging out and eating pizza and playing video games and having sex with each other” as the ideal relationship, except no they’re still ordering salads with no dressing, and saying shit like “I just cannot deal with picking out a colour for the trim right now” and it’s so hypocritical and sad that in a culture that’s supposed to embrace breaking out of gender roles, that’s supposed to be all about “fuck patriarchal masculinity” it’s enforced as hard or harder than anywhere else, and all these dudes are throwing other gay dudes under the bus trying to grab a sliver of straight privilege, with “I’m not like other gays” nonsense.
People are three dimensional human beings, and yes it’s absolutely fine to play super smash bros with your boyfriend with mud packs on your faces and hair masque in your hair, that’s really sweet, but don’t do the bullshitty “we’re not really gay cause we’re just two dudes hangin’ out” thing.
And there’s all this really barbed humour that’s almost vulnerable but not, like one of my brother’s friends announced to a party “I talked to my step father about being gay for the first time” and the room goes quiet and he’s like “He asked me how the gay scene is at RISD, and I was like it sssssuckssssssssss”
Which is painfully sad if you think about it, it’s a joke only a very vulnerable young man, who feels he can’t be emotionally open with anyone would tell (there are many similar ones) and it just makes me sad.
Because I see my little brother, who’s smart, and sweet under the extremely bitchy shell, and profoundly, profoundly emotionally vulnerable not able to let anyone in, in the same way SO many men are never allowed to let anyone in because of the stupid bullshit ideas we have about what men are supposed to be like, and he talks and jokes around the issue, and it just breaks my fucking heart.