"Sex is hippie shit," - Johnny Rotten
Here’s the thing, having too elaborate, kinky, or well researched a sex life isn’t cool. S&M isn’t cool. Tantric sex workshops are really not cool. Sexual roleplay is really really not cool. It’s not cool because a large part of hipness is sneering cynicism in the face of just about everything. Genuine non-ironic love for anything that might be remotely laughable immediately negates coolness, because even if you claim to get the joke, to realize how laughable it is, you’re still doing it seriously, not treating it as one massive joke. Actually, at this point, genuinely loving anything is a bad idea if you want to be cool.
I’m not cool, at least in this one sense. I realize that my fondness for being tied up and beaten may appear ridiculous to the average person, but I love it. It’s camp not kitsch, and I accept that sometimes joy comes from being ridiculous and just going with it. My sexual awakening was really at odds with my cultural group. I was an art school kid, I listened to uber underground music, I buy vintage clothes… basically, yeah I was a little hipster bitch, but my deep love for BDSM and vibrators were things I knew were not in line with the supposedly non-conformist scene I hung out in. I really think that modern cynicism is unhealthy, because if there’s one thing that’s good in life and good for you, it’s sex. It’s good for your physical and mental health, and it feels great. Fuck yeah sex.
It seems that in general after the advent of punk rock non-ironic appreciation for anything that was pleasurable and not self destructive has been uncool. I believe this is because of the puritain morals which this country was founded upon, which oddly seep up in alternative (theoretically revolutionary) culture.
The advent of cynicism is just another way for the puritain patriarchal roots of western culture to deny people pleasure and joy. I really think we need to move on beyond the cynicism and eyerolling and start living for unironic joy again.
I remember my super-hip rock n’ roller boyfriend curling his lip at my vibrators, curling his lip at the idea of broadening the ways we received sexual pleasure… and in essence curling his lip at sex. Is it too much to ask for a little honesty, and a little real joy, not the schadenfreude we get from ridiculing the less in the know, but joy for ourselves and within ourselves?